Ok, so recently I had a friend ask me, “why would you post your personal stuff for the world to see?” She then explained that people, some people, would judge me based on what I had written. This made me pause. I began to realize that people don’t always know our motivations. In fact, they seldom know our motivations. Someone like myself just assumes others are thinking the best of us and know our purpose, but that isn’t so. What we are intending often gets lost in translation and another person’s “filters”. Many of us go through life thinking we shouldn’t have to explain ourselves when that is exactly what is necessary. And, just because someone tells a snipit of their life doesn’t mean that is the whole person, or even close. People are complex, transitional, emotional beings.
In my last post, I wrote about my financial vise grip. I don’t regret opening myself up to others. Oprah has made a fine living doing that. Many writers are known for putting parts of their life on a platter. By doing so, however, they put their life out there for criticism which sometimes begets more writing. And thus . . . my friend’s commentary has caused me to write more, an explanation of sorts because people don’t know my motivations and my drives.
When I wrote last about my finance it was not for pity’s sake. Sometimes pity is nice when you’re in a funk. It can be reassuring to hear someone say, “I’m sorry, it will get better.” But nope, it wasn’t my motivation. When last I wrote it was not because I was hoping someone would send money. (Insert sarcasm here) “Hi everyone, I’m posting my financial woes to Facebook hoping you will feel sorry for me and send cash” . . . uh, NO, not why I blogged. It wasn’t for those reasons or any of the negative versions that someone may be thinking. I posted my woes because many people, including my friend, are private. These people will sit in their homes with that endless depression and not really know how to address it. Additionally, many people who are terribly depressed often think there is no one out their who “gets” them or understands what they are going through. This can lead to all sorts of problems–anger, divorce, running away, addictions, suicide. My motivation was to let others know that they are not alone in this big, crazy world. Other people face similar situations. These people fall, weep, beg, give up, break down, struggle, fight, search for answers, and most of them get back up and keep trying. Some of these people put on a mask for all the world to see because they are afraid of being judged or they just don’t want the world to know their “stuff”. And some people are willing to let others see their stuff because it doesn’t feel so bleak when you know that there are people who get you.
If you’re out there struggling and happen to read this, I get it. Maybe I don’t have your exact situation, but I get feeling beaten down and overwhelmed. Additionally, if you don’t care that I get it, care that someone else will. Someone will listen without judgement. Someone will hear you if you keep trying to tell them, and things do change. I’m not promising that things get better always. They just get different sometimes, but if you wait long enough the odds are in your favor that they will improve.
Lastly, if you are someone with a good life, someone who can’t imagine there being anything terrible enough to quit living over, someone who is private and can’t understand disclosure, try to consider that there are people out there who are fighting to find a reason to keep going. Usually the people who need the biggest help are the ones who are crying out for it in many ways. Most people who commit suicide express the desire to give up to at least one other person if not many, but the people they are crying out to may not know how to fix or address the problem so they just kind of drift away. Don’t drift. Say I love you to that annoying friend who repeats his or her problems constantly. Tell your relative with the major issues that you’re on their side and you may not have the tools to help but you can help them research alternatives. And ask yourself, how much would it be worth to you if the roles were reversed?
I love you all. I’m on your side. I’ll help you research alternatives. You are worth it to me. Put that in your filter and smoke it.
