So there is this manner of doing things for others that some people have figured out and some have not. It leads to either savage love or self loathing. It may, in fact, be the key to happiness. It’s called Moderate Want and Not Obligated, and it works like this. You do things because you choose to. Notice the words “choose to” instead of
“want to” or “have to”. Just because you choose to do something doesn’t mean you want to or have to, but it means you have made a conscious and thoughtful decision to operate in a certain way.
This is often an elusive concept. We as humans can easily confuse choice and want, or choice and obligation. Within the past few months there was a caller on a Savage Love podcast who was really struggling with the fact that he was a pedophile. He had never acted on his desires, had sought therapy and was making the daily choice to continue living in a socially acceptable way, though the guilt from his own desire was destroying him. Some might think he ought to be destroyed. This isn’t a commentary on his pedophilia because there isn’t anything positive to say in that arena. However, it is a commentary on choice and want and obligation and how one begins to think about such things.
Want can drive us to the do things that are on one hand wonderful and groundbreaking and on another hand horrible and immoral, but either way it’s the same result. Want controls us. Obligation is the weaker twin of want. It is the excuse maker, the cop out, neither groundbreaking nor immoral, though it can manipulate with wonderful result or horrible consequence. Surprise, surprise, it controls us too. Both things lead to self-loathing. Choice is where the real power lies. It’s the way to live authentically. But with real power comes real responsibility. Choice means you must consider all aspects of a scenario and know what drives it. It’s wanting with a conscious idea of how that want will affect your world. It’s feeling obligated and knowing what will work or not work in your life. It’s knowing yourself more intimately than anyone else and being dedicated to that relationship. Thus, the savage love.
Some people have figured this out and they live in a good, comfortable place while the rest of us run around craving, caving, and generally acting like minions of the almighty Oz. It’s time to nad up. Present company included. It’s not all in our hands, but we can make up our minds how to make the next move. And then…let it be.
Or the ones who’ve figured it out drink themselves to death trying to deal with the lollypop crew… 🙂 I love you darling. What wonderful writing. Oz should be thankful.
Glad you’ve chosen to join the fun in April. Welcome to the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.
Lee
And seeing something we do as a choice, rather than a “have to”, can help us do it with a lighter heart. If we wash the clothes because we choose to (because we like to have clean clothes) rather than because we “have to” it somehow makes the chore less onerous.
Looking forward to getting to know you, fellow A-Z blogging neighbor.